This Unicorn Changed the Way I Poop – #SquattyPotty

This is where your ice cream comes from–
the creamy poop of a mystic unicorn. Totally clean, totally cool, and soft-served straight
from a sphincter. Mmm. They’re good at pooping. But you know
who sucks at pooping? You do. That’s ’cause when you sit on the porcelain
throne, this muscle put a kink in the hose and stops the Ben & Jerry’s from sliding
out smoothly. Is that a problem? I don’t know, are hemorrhoids
a problem? ‘Cause sitting at this angle can cause hemorrhoids, bloating, constipation,
and a buttload of other crap. And seriously, unicorn hemorrhoids? – The
glitter gets everywhere. But what happens when you go from a sit to
a squat? Voila– the muscle relaxes and that kink goes
away faster than Pegasus laying a sweet sherbet dookie. Now your colon’s open and ready
for battle. That’s ’cause our bodies were made to poop
in a squat. And now there’s a product that lets you squat in your own home. Introducing the Squatty Potty. No, it’s not a joke. And yes, it will give
you the best poop of your life, guaranteed. I don’t just mean you bloated lords and
hemorrhoidal ladies — I mean everyone. Kink Unkink. Kink, unkink. It’s simple science
really. Can’t get the last scoop out of the carton? With the Squatty Potty you get complete elimination. Spend too much time on the chamber pot? Squatty Potty makes you go twice as fast,
or your money back. I scream, you scream, and plop plop, baby. Maybe you’re sore from squeezing out solid
globs of rocky road. The Squatty Potty gives you a smooth stream
of froyo that glides like a virgin swan. Plus when you’re done, it tucks neatly out
of sight, thanks to its innovative patented design. Truly a footstool fit for a constipated
king! So if you’re a human being who poops from
your butt, click here to order your Squatty Potty today at You’ll wish
you tried it years ago. And if you don’t trust a prince, how about
your Doctor? Shark Tank? HuffPost? NPR? Men’s Health? Howard Stern?–He poops from his butt. They’re all crazy about the Squatty Potty.
Not to mention the 2,000 Amazon users who gave the Squatty Potty 5 stars, including
the author of this moving haiku: “Oh Squatty Potty You fill me with endless joy Yet leave me empty.” So order your Squatty Potty today. I’m not
saying it will make your poop as soft as this cookies’n’cream. But I’m not saying it won’t. Squatty Potty. The stool for better stools. Pooping will never be the same… And neither will ice cream. One for you, very good.
How does it taste is that delicious? Is that the best thing you have ever had in
your life? There you are .

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